Taylor Owen Dorsett — Chicago, Illinois

This post was made by my ex girlfriend Roxanne West. We dated for roughly 9 months from early/mid of 2015 until right before the holidays. I broke up with her in December. We didn’t talk for a while and reconnected in January when we began a open physical relationships. We talked for many hours about the rules and boundaries of that relationship. I had never been in a open relationship before. She had. It ended dramatically which lead to this post. Many things in her post are based somewhat in reality but are greatly exaggerated. If you are interested in reading a detailed account and my counter argument then please continue. I’m going to address each of her points in Snopes style. (True, False, Mixture) This is roughly 8,000 words and I’ve gone into great detail to chronicle the events that culminated in this post.

Cheater:
Has cheated on every women he has ever dated.

False. I’ve dated roughly 20 women and I’ve cheated on five of them. The 4 of the relationships I cheated in were in highschool and college. One was since I graduated. In all of them I was emotionally finished with the relationship and started seeing someone else before actually breaking up with my original girlfriend. It’s something I’ve recognized as a serious flaw in my character and something I’ve worked on quite a bit in the last few years and will continue working on. I am surprised that this is on here because Roxanne knew all of this when we started dating as has every girl I’ve dated in the last 5 years. I tell people on the first on second date that I’ve cheated on girls in the past. Some people have been through that in the past and are scared I’ll put them through it again and consequently don’t want to see me again. I understand that. Others, like Roxanne, are fine with it because they have made similar mistakes in the past or are able to forgive me for actions prior to meeting them.

Has dated multiple women at once.

Mixture. The summer after my Freshmen year in college I went back home to my small town in Vermont and was in physical relationships with six women over the course of that summer. One of the girls was my long time on and off again high school and college girlfriend. One was my girlfriend who was spending the summer in another country. One was a girl who I was more or less dating that I didn’t know before that summer. The others were causal relationships.

I was 18/19 that summer and while my actions were pretty awful I truly regret them and it’s not something I would do again. My rationalization at the time was that I was 18 and I wasn’t going to marry any of these girls so it didn’t matter if I dated other people at the same time. That was my thought process at the time. I didn’t realize the way my actions would affect the women involved. Again this is a thing Roxanne was aware of when we started dating and every girl that I date is aware of because I do not hide it.

Liar:
Lies constantly to hide cheating or to convince other people that his GF is crazy so he can get away with treating her badly.

Mixture. In the past I’ve lied about where I was or who I was with to cheat. This part is true. I assume anyones that has cheated has done the same. Again Roxanne knew this when we started dating as does every girl I date.
I don’t lie to convince other people that my Girlfriend is crazy and I don’t try to get away with treating girlfriends badly. I even hesitate to tell the story of how Roxanne and I broke up, as ridiculous as it is, because I dislike when people call their girlfriends or ex girlfriends crazy. It’s usually a cop out and something that guys say about their girlfriends when they are in unhealthy relationships. I’ve obviously treated girlfriends badly in the past by cheating on them but I’ve never tried to rationalize it by calling them crazy. Again Roxanne and every girl, and now potential girl who googles my name and keeps going past all the cringey comedy videos and all the way to the 5th page, I date knows my history. I’m very upfront about this. I’m a flawed person who’s working on his issues.

Lies to Friends. He is part of a liberal theatre group and they don’t know that he voted for Trump.

True. I lie to my friends sometimes. I think everyone does once in awhile extend. If you have never lied to a friend then pick up the first stone and feel free to let it fly.

The real point of this one is Roxanne’s hatred for Donald Trump. While I am in no way a Trump supporter I was not as militantly against his utter existent as Roxanne. In the weeks leading up to our first breakup the election was rapidly approaching. After Trump won Roxanne and I got lunch together, we both worked in Merchandise Mart at the time, and talked about the election. When Trump was brought up she said, “Do you mean President Child Rapist?” I said, “What?” She went on to explain the account of a, at the time, recent accuser of Trump who said he and Jeffrey Epstein, convicted rapist, assaulted and raped her as a child. I wasn’t aware of the details of the story at the time nor had I done any research about the event. I said, “I don’t think you should call him President Child Rapist in public” The cafeteria was crowded and she was nearly yelling. She said that if he won she would refer to him as President Child Rapist for the next four years and anytime someone mentioned his name she would correct them by saying, “You mean President Child Rapist?” I knew that would obviously cause problems for her in business setting and attempted to explain why it wasn’t a good idea. I told her that calling him president child rapist sounds a lot like a truther claiming that Obama was born in Kenya. Both statements are made in effort to disqualify the target as a potential president. A non citizen and a convicted rapist are both ineligible to become president. She started to cry and was very upset after that event. I made a decision to never bring up politics with her after that day as we couldn’t talk about with it without her getting irrationally upset. It was the first time I realized I wasn’t interested in being in a long term relationship with her and the first event that lead to our initial breakup.

I don’t know where she got the idea that I voted for trump from other than me telling her I thought Trump and Hillary both were bad options. I’m of the opinion that someone’s political opinions are their own. That was a dangerous thing to say in the run up to and following weeks after the election. It was a time where you had to state which side you were on and be vilified by anyone who did not agree. I don’t like to talk about politics in general because few people are able to have a rational discussion and see both sides of the argument. My logic is that if you can’t understand why the other side believes what they believe you will just end up in a yelling match. Regardless here I am defending my political beliefs in a very public setting. My political opinions boils down to the fact that I don’t support the two party system. I think it’s a flawed system that leaves us with two candidates who represent polar opposite sides of the pendulum and whose policies are built to appeal to the greatest masses in order to win. I didn’t support Trump or Hilary in the previous election which I believe offended my very pro Hillary girlfriend Roxanne.

Lies to family. His family is conservative and Baptist and they don’t know he drinks and has s*x.

Mixture. During the time Roxanne and I were together my parents didn’t know that I drink. I lied to them for several years in a indirect way. It was a don’t ask don’t tell type situation with my parents. I talked about this many times with Roxanne as it’s something I wanted to be open with my parents about but wasn’t able to find the courage to do. My father is a pastor by trade and I struggled for many years about sharing details of my life personal life with him out of fear he would be disappointed in me. I recently opened up to them about many details of my personal life that they were previously unaware of and they were very supportive. This all took place after my second break up with Roxanne and as I’ve cut off all possible forms of communication with her she is most likely unaware of that. I’d also argue that keeping some parts of your private life from your parents is normal and even healthy in many situations.

Even if you don’t have a problem with the above it says something that he is dishonest to everyone in his life.
False. I have been very dishonest in the past but like I’ve stated many times already every single girl I take on more than two dates knows all of this information, Roxanne knew all of this in great detail because I talked about it with her regularly, my family is much more aware of my personal life now, and my “liberal” friend group has seen many of the accusations Roxanne has made yet still accept and support me. They have also witnessed some of Roxanne’s more unstable moments and know she is not the most credible witness.

Before I continue I feel it’s necessary to explain how Roxanne and I met, some relevant details of our relationship, and our first breakup. I met Roxanne at an improv show. Her team had been opening for my team for several months and while I hosted the show and introduced their team every other week I wasn’t friends with any of them. Frankly I often even forgot their team name because I was much more focused on work and other things during that point in my life than improv. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship and wasn’t looking to date anyone for 6 months or so to mentally reset and experience being single for the first time in a City. I ended up going out to get drinks with Roxanne and her team that night. We hit it off to some extend but I was more interested in some other girls who were not with our group and spend most of the night time talking to them.

Roxanne and I connected on facebook the next day and after asking a couple friends about her and if she was single I asked her on a date. She said yes. We went on four dates before I initiated anything physical. I was actually very surprised that we got along so well. I was a little hesitant to jump into anything quickly as I have a history of getting very invested early on in a relationship. Things progressed relatively normally, although maybe a little too intensely, for the next couple months. I was very enamored with her and despite my hesitance was falling for her. Like I mentioned several times already I always share any concerning information about myself early on with anyone I date so we talked a lot about me during those early months as I spilled out more and more details about my past. I slowly learned more and more about her over those months as well. It seemed like once a month she would drop a real bombshell on me. I’m not going to mention any of the things she told me because while she felt fine publicly defaming me online I made a promise to her not to tell anyone about the many traumatic personal events of her life that she shared with me and I intend to uphold that.
As the infatuation of a early relationship began to fade I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew. I recognized concerning mental health issues and behaviors that were ongoing and ready to surface at any time. While I wish I was a better guy and could have helped her cope with the effects of those events I wasn’t exactly in the best place mentally myself and knew it would be more than would be able to handle. She had a strong long time college friend group that was a very negative feedback loop for her that lead to a lot of bad decisions. After the president Child Rapist conversation I knew this wasn’t someone I could see myself being with long term. I began contemplating breaking up with her. A second event ultimately lead me to make that decision.
Her improv team was opening for mine one Saturday night. A female former coworker that I hadn’t seen in several months and several of her friends attended the show and sat on the front row. They were interacting with me and laughing loudly during the show. After the show ended I went to talk to Roxanne. She said her parents were going to drive in from the suburbs and see the second show and she asked if I wanted to stay and meet them. I had the opportunity to meet them earlier in our relationship but chose not to. I’ve gotten into a lot of relationships where I ended up meeting the parents very early and it prolongs the break up process. I feel bad about wasting their time and building a relationship with them when I end up breaking up with their daughter. As I was already considering breaking up with Roxanne I wanted to avoid meeting her parents but I told her I’d stick around and watch the show and meet them.
My former coworker called me over and I went to meet her friends. They were all intoxicated at that time as was I. They told me they were all going to one of the girls houses, to a bar, and then to the World Famous Blues Club Kingston Mines. I hadn’t been to Kingston Mines before although I’d spent a year walking by it twice a week and wanted to check it out. I also wanted to hangout with my former co worker. They asked me to go with them. I looked at Roxanne in the back of the room and made the regrettable decision of asking her if it was okay for me to go out with them instead of staying to watch the show and meet her parents. She said that was fine, acted like everything was fine, and we said goodbye. I walked back to my former coworker and her female friend and we all left arm in arm. Clearly not the best move on my part.
After several intoxicated hours our group arrived at Kingston Mines. After we had been there for twenty minutes my phone rang. It was Roxanne. I didn’t answer. It rang again. Roxanne. I answered and walked outside to talk to her. She was crying and very upset that I left to hangout with girls instead of hanging out with her and meeting her parents. She accused me of cheating on her with the girls. I understood why she was upset but I was also upset that she decided this after the fact instead of telling me that she didn’t want me to go in the first place. I decided it was time and tried to break up with her on the phone but she didn’t let me. She wanted to come over and talk in person. I got in a cab and went home to my apartment where she was waiting to meet me. Instead of talking or breaking up we hooked up and went to sleep.
The next day, Sunday, we didn’t talk at all. On Monday morning I texted her and asked if we could talk after we both got off work. I broke up with her on Monday in the Merchandise Mart Cafeteria at 5:30PM before she had to go to a improv rehearsal and the after the election had just happened. My timing wasn’t great. I told her I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore but I really liked her as a person and would be open to being friends or being in a physical relationship at some point in the future. We left without tears on either side and had plans to hang out later that week. It was a odd situation but I naively thought we were both on the same page. She canceled those plans a few days later because she laid off from Yelp which I didn’t find out until much later. We didn’t reschedule and I promptly flew home to see my folks for Christmas. I thought about her a lot but I was ready to move on. I think that’s enough context and we can move forward.

Oh. One more note. She purchased a plane ticket to fly home and meet my family for Christmas without talking to me about it. We had one conversation in November about her potentially coming home with me during Christmas to meet my family but didn’t talk over details or finalize anything. I received a text from her about a week before our breakup saying that she had purchased plane ticket. Without talking to me. It was very odd. I bring this up mostly because it’s one of the many actions she made that I can’t fully explain or understand and is an example of a one of several big red flag that I should have taken notice of.

STUPID:
Doesn’t know basic facts and can’t spell, but doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal because he makes a lot of money.

Mixture. As if the previous lengthy volume wasn’t enough I need to give a little more context. I went to a tiny Baptist school in Vermont from Kindergarten until first grade, I was home schooled in the loosest sense of the word from second grade until sophomore year of high school, then I attended a public Vermont common core high school where I was a athlete on the football, wrestling, and handful of other teams. I never struggled in high school because the bar was set very low for academic achievement. I was also able to get by on my athletic merits whenever I couldn’t handle a certain subject. For example I am not very good at Math or Chemistry. I only passed Algebra 1 because my teacher was a big supporter of our school’s Wrestling team and she knew, and said as much to me, as the captain if I failed her class it would impact the team. She gave me a C. My Chemistry teacher needed another Lacrosse player who could run and play defense. I needed to pass his class. I played lacrosse that year, he made me a captain, and he gave me a B.
I don’t know whether to put the blame on me or the education system I was raised in, probably both, but there are large gaps in my education. If I recall correctly Roxanne was stunned at my basic lack of US geography and incredible ability to misspell even the most simple words. I attended a small Southern Baptist College in South Carolina primarily because my parents wanted me to go to a southern baptist school and I wanted attend a school where I could Wrestle. Anderson University happened to be one of two schools in the country that fit that criteria and it’s also the town I was born in, where my father used to be a youth pastor, where I had many relatives nearby, and where many churches that had sent mission teams to Vermont over the 16 years to resided. While the academic bar while higher than at my high school it was still very low. I skated by and got into a lot of trouble my first couple years. I didn’t really want to be in college and I certainly didn’t want to be at Anderson University. I’ll save the rest for my review of Anderson University’s for their Google Plus page but long story short I didn’t try very hard there and didn’t learn very much. I finished after four and a half lackluster years and moved to Chicago. I ended up in tech recruiting which I turned out excel at and over the last few years have made a career out of.

To address Roxanne’s point It’s true that I don’t know a lot of basic facts and if you have been reading this long you can tell that my grammar and spelling is abysmal. 1 in 20 words were spelt wrong before I used spell check and I’m sure countless still slipped through. I do think it’s not that big of a deal because it’s never hindered me in a business setting or really in life. I tend to write short sentences and short emails which get directly to the point, unlike this monstrosity, which aided in my initial success as a junior recruiter. A CTO/CEO doesn’t have time to read a five paragraph email written by a 20 year old but he can read one sentence with a actionable request and respond quickly between meetings. So no. I don’t think it matters that I have gaps in my education, not because I make a good living but because It’s never hindered me. Again this isn’t something I hide at all. I’m very upfront about it.
One more tangent before I move on. I made the mistake of telling Roxanne and several other people how much money I was making after my initial success in Recruiting and after making the jump to a higher paying job. To be honest it wasn’t really that much at first but for a 22 year old who hung out with mostly theater people it sounded like a lot. It really drove a wrench between Roxanne and my relationship. So much so that she threw it in my face many times the second time we broke up. I regret ever bringing up money with her and it’s a lesson I’ve now learned and something I keep close to the chest now to avoid similar situations.

Thinks he’s smarter than he is and will condescend to his GF

Mixture. I know I’ve got a certain business savvy that one could call a type of intelligence. I can be arrogant at time. While I have a slew of body image issues I’m very self centered and I do think highly of myself. I don’t know if that’s a character flaw as much as it is a character trait. However I’ll admit to being caught mansplaining from time to time. I’m sure I mansplained things to Roxanne but I never meant it in condescending way. If it was perceived that way then I apologize and know that wasn’t my intent. I tend to ramble about my life to anyone who wants to listen, see this entire post, which that could easily be taken the wrong way. It’s not an attempt to be condescending. It’s me thinking out loud, realizing there’s another person in the room, and trying to make sure they can follow along with my train of thought if they want to. I have worked on mansplaining a lot since it was pointed out to me by a friend and I try not to do it anymore.

CREEP:
Has a Asian Fetish.

False. I dated three Asian girls in college, one of them for over a year who attended my sister’s wedding, and I hung out with many of the Korean exchange students at my college. This claim comes from one reddit post that is linked near the end of her post and my three back to back relationships with asian women. I certainly have a type which is shorter thin girls. Roxanne fits into that category. It was never Asian specific. It just happened to work out that way for a while. The reddit post that Roxanne links to was written when I was 18 in college. It was an attempt at making a joke to get internet karma points. It’s based off a story of me meeting my long time Korean girlfriend in college. It’s insensitive and I regret making that comment. This is part of the damning evidence that Roxanne has brought up multiple times and sent via post to employers of mine. Again I regret making the comment however awful or tame you may think it is.

Will probably marry a mail-order bride and has expressed an interest in this in the past.

False. I’m not sure where this one came from. I’ve don’t believe I’ve ever even joked about that. It’s not the type of joke I would make. It doesn’t even seem like the type of thing I would be acting out in an improv scene although I did improv during the same time frame with a lady who regularly played a Russian immigrant and I could have been involved in a mail order bride scene? I would say it a hard stretch to say a improv scene I theoretically could have been involved in was expressing interest in mail order brides. Roxanne and I may have watched Orange is the New Black together while we were dating. At one point there is a mail order bride in that show and potentially I made a comment like, “That would be nice huh?” which doesn’t really sound like a something I would say but you never know. Regardless this one is completely false.

The only way for him to be with someone with less of a grasp of the english language than he does is somebody that is a non-english speaker and he sexualizes that kind of control over his significant other (basically, wants his GF/Wife to be subservient to him and he believes that Asian Women Accomplish this)

False. I can’t really address the first part of this. It seems like a sentence that was half finished before she realized it wasn’t scandalous enough and more nonsense was tacked on. Roxanne’s the only non college graduate that I’ve dated in the last five years. I’m not running around looking for dumb people to be with. I’ve actually actively made an effort to go out with advanced degrees or established careers. Roxanne was the unfortunate exception to that. Regardless, without going into too many details Roxanne and anyone I’ve dated or hooked up with over the last five years would know I don’t want to be in control. I work in a job that causes high stress at times and I’m very into being with someone who can make as many of the decisions in our relationship as possible. Again I don’t know where this one came from and it seems like the points are becoming less poignant and more baseless.

Probably why he works in an industry where he has access to a lot of immigrants

False. I don’t really know what to say about this one other than it’s an incredibly racist statement. I do interact with a lot of people of color but most of them are second or third generation immigrants who truly do have a better grasp of the English language than I do. Most of my recent work has been with coding bootcamp graduates who are almost exclusively US born and raised English speakers. I’ve also never been in a romantic or physical relationship with a coworker. Even when I worked in an office full of recent 20 something college graduates, was doing well and being publicly recognized for it, and was still in good college wrestling shape I avoided all office place romances like the plague because I saw how toxic it made the working environment for my coworkers and friends. Outlandish claim.

UGLY:
Used to be cute and will use old pictures on his dating profile

Mixture. I was certainly much more traditionally attractive in the past than I am now. At one point in college I weighed 164 pounds, worked out for six hours a day, and was clean shaved with a nice jawline. Roxanne never knew me when I looked like that. I was at my heaviest before and during my relationship with Roxanne and actually was inspired to get back into better shape after we broke up due to a lot of the hurtful things she said about my body during our second break up.
During our second, and open, relationship there was a month when I was on Bumble, a online dating app like Tinder where females have to message first, with old photos from before I met Roxanne. These were one year old photos. I bought camera gear, lights, and a backdrop to take new photos of myself as soon as I could afford to. Months after our breakup when I shaved my head there was several people I was talking to who had “swiped right” on me pre shaved head that and I made sure to inform them about it and send a photo before we ever met. None of them cared.

Getting fatter and balder by the day

Mixture. When I was dating Roxanne I was the heaviest I’d ever been in my life. I hit 215 at one point. But I was in a relationship and didn’t have any problem finding dates when we were in a open relationship so I didn’t think too much about it. However due to a couple of events including a doctor’s visit and me stepping on the scale for the first time in 6 months I realized I was unhappy with my body. I’ve had body image issues for most of my life which I had been avoiding by just not looking at my myself in the mirror. I started losing weight proud to say I was 176.0 this morning, very close to my college wrestling weight. On my last visit my doctor asked me if something was wrong because I had lost so much weight and I told him I just did what he said! I guess I can thank my Doctor and Roxanne’s malicious words for that.

As far as balding is concerned… My dad has really thin hair and has been sporting a junior combover for the last thirty years. My hairline had certainly receded during the first two years I was in Chicago. I blame work related stress and genetics. I didn’t want to obsess over it and deal with it anymore so I shaved it all off this summer. To my knowledge Roxanne doesn’t know this so she was technically accurate in her statement about my hairline.

Gross unkempt beard that he thinks is cool

Mixture. I mentioned that I’ve got body image issues. It’s some form of body dysmorphia. While I’m in perfectly normal and healthy shape I do not like the way my body looks. I don’t like taking my shirt off in front of people even in romantic situations. I know Roxanne was very aware of this as we talked about it many times. I also grew up in a small town, attended a relatively small high school and college, and was in very good physical shape during that entire time. I attracted a lot of attention of girls and guys, much of it unwarranted. While it may be hard to believe after reading the second bullet point of this story I’m not attracted to everything that walks. I’ve found myself in a lot of uncomfortable situations over the last 8 years and garnered a lot of unwarranted harassment. I made a conscious choice after Roxanne and I broke up the second time, based on that and several other events, to make drastic physical changes that would limit that type of attention.
One of the things I did was growing a large beard. It’s the first beard I’ve ever grown and it certainly was very unkempt for the first 6 months I had it. It’s slightly better now but with the shaved head I look a lot like a skinhead so I’m not sure if that balances out any positive qualities the newly kept beard would add.

That’s all her points. If you will indulge me, and if you’ve actually read this far down you already are, I’d like to explain the second breakup between Roxanne because it’s why I believe this post exists.

We picked back up after I came back from Christmas and New Year’s at home in Boston. I was very lonely as my parents had moved to a new city and fresh off a break up I had very little to occupy my mind while at home. I mostly read books. If you’re curious about the great timetravel book with dolphin subplot check our Replay. It was my favorite from that month.
I don’t know who texted who first and because she’s blocked on all my devices I can’t check but we reconnected and made plans to go to see a movie. We were going to see Lion, as much as I love Dev Patel I can’t recommend this movie, but it was sold out. She ended up coming back over to my place and we hooked up. The following morning we talking about what we wanted from each other and ultimately what our relationship would be. I was very clear that I didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with her anymore but I was willing to try a open relationship. This was something she had brought up in the past and had been apart of in the past. We spend most of that Sunday and many hours over the next weeks and eventually months talking about the rules, boundaries, and dynamics of how our open relationship would work.

Everything was great for the first few weeks until I sought out to find another partner. I told her what I was doing like we discussed but it was clear something was off. She was hurt that I would actually act on that part of our relationship. We talked about it ad nauseam and then the following night she went out and mimicked my behavior. I was annoyed because it seemed like she was only acting in retaliation of my actions but it was well within her right and the boundaries of our relationship so we moved on. The same sequence of event occurred several times over the next couple months. I would act on the openness of our relationship, tell her, and then she would do the same action the following night. It was turbulent at best but because it wasn’t a relationship I was clinging to I wasn’t too bothered by its incredibly rocky nature. However, there was several events that were huge red flags, and should have been a wake up call for me, like her showing up at my door at 8am on a Saturday and trying to enter my apartment when she knew I had taken someone home the night before. I carelessly wrote them off.

We had been arguing frequently one particular week leading up to the closing of a performance art show I was a performing in. We had a cast party that night which I attended, without Roxanne, and where I became very intoxicated. She texted to asked me if she could come over and spend the night at my place. I told her that a girl who was visiting from New York was coming over. This girl was a old friend and we had previous been in a physical relationship. Roxanne texted me, “Lot’s of other guys want to take me home tonight so I just thought I’d give you a shot” I responded with, “lol what is this the bachelor?” I know the Bachelorette is the one where a girl chooses between a litter of guys but I was pretty inebriated so give me a break. Her response was to call me, start yelling, and over the course of a half hour hurl insults at me. When I held my ground stating that she couldn’t come over she broke up with me.
I admit that I didn’t handle the situation in the most delicate manner. I was very emotionally detached from our relationship by that point and was openly laughing during most of the phone call which upset her more. I didn’t say anything mean to her or about her during the call. I said very little at all. Regrettably I did end the phone call with, “My phones about to die. Text me tomorrow when you’re sober and stop acting crazy and we can get back together” Her response was, “You think I’m acting crazy? I’ll show you crazy.” Now I know my statement was pretty dumb but I didn’t expect what happened next. I’ve dated exactly one other girl with mental health issues that used that same line before showing up to my Vermont home and standing in the corn field across the street from my house while yelling my name until my Mother called the cops. I should have seen it coming. Instead I walked back inside, told my friends I was just broken up with, plugged my phone and, texted the girl who was supposed to come over that I had a crazy story ready for her, and called a uber. Once I got in the uber my phone died again which left me without any way to communicate for the twenty minute ride home.

I believe the above post by Roxanne, the letters she sent in an attempt to disrupt my career, and her extreme reaction to our second breakup, which she initiated, was all a result of what happened next.

For context I live on what is essentially Belmont and Lake Shore Drive. My building is directly off Lake Shore Drive and on a one way road. The front door is all glass and you can see the entire lobby before you walk in. I stepped out of the uber, walked the ten steps to the door and saw Roxanne standing with arms crossed in my building’s lobby. In horror, I realized that my friend from New York was also in the lobby just feet away from Roxanne. I mentioned earlier that Roxanne had shown up my apartment unannounced and uninvited before. She had also recently moved from very far away from my apartment to within a 5 minutes walking distance. I was stunned to see her because I assumed she had went home with one of those other guys. I turned on my heals and walked back the other direction. It was like something out of a sitcom and not a move I’m proud of. They both saw me walking up and they both saw me turn and walk away.

After briefly collecting myself and making a plan I turned back to the door and walked inside. I opened the lobby door and asked the girl from New York if I could talk to her first. I explained the events of the night and she explained to me what had happened in the lobby while I was in transit. Again I don’t want to share personal traumatic details of Roxanne’s life that she told me in confidence but she attempted to guilt trip the girl by recounting past life events that had happened to her and by stating that she was still my girlfriend. I apologized profusely and sent the girl from New York, who was only in town for a couple days, home in a uber. Then I stepped inside to the most terrifying 5’2 110 pound white girl I’ve ever seen.

I have stopped telling this story because I suffer from panic and paranoia when I talk about it. I wasn’t the same for six months after the event and because she lives in my neighborhood very close by I would still see her from time to time and regularly cross the street or leave a store if I see a girl who I think might be her. It’s that bad. The event affected me in a negative way like I’ve never been affected before.

I stepped into the lobby and faced her. I asked her why she was there and she asked who that girl was. I told her it wasn’t important or her business and that I wanted her to leave. She refused to leave and started moving closer to me while yelling about earrings. Even in my inebriated and scared state I remembered the earrings she was talking about. She had left them in my apartment on the window seal near my bed for weeks. I suspected she left them there so any girl who spent the night would see them and ask about them. I moved them once to another more out of the way spot and the next time she was over she subtly moved them back to a more visible spot.
I told her I’d go upstairs and get the earrings and bring them down. She yelled and refused to let me go upstairs without her. I couldn’t leave she said. I had seen enough sides of this women that I refused to be alone in a private place with her let alone my apartment. I don’t know what her plan was but I know it involved getting into my apartment and I speculate that she planned to do some type of self harm and blame it on me. After I refused to go upstairs with her she kept moving closer and closer to me. I pulled out my phone to put an object between us and attempt to call the cops forgetting that my phone was dead. She kept moving closer.
I had flashes of her hitting me and attempting to start a physical fight so I asked her to back up calmly multiple times. She was wearing a dress but I don’t know what she had on her person. She was in my face when I told her again to back up and she finally did putting 6 inches of space between us. She said what do you think I’m going to do hurt you? That’s when I ran out of the building. I couldn’t think of any other option so I ran as fast as I could out into the Chicago lakefront February winter, turned the corner, and dove behind a bush. I didn’t move for 15 minutes. I was terrified the entire time. I started to process what had just happened and formulate a plan. At this point it was close to 2am. I wanted to get into my apartment and charge my phone so I could call my friend to tell them what happened and tell them I was scared and didn’t know what she might try to do. I also wanted to reach out to her friends to tell them what happened in hopes that they would come get her.

I ran around the backside of my building, found a side door that lead to a stairwell, climbed the eight floors to my apartment, peeked in the opposite hallway door from my apartment to make sure she wasn’t in front of my apartment waiting for me, climbed to the 9th floor and crossed the hall, back down to the 8th floor, and quickly entered my apartment at the end of the hall. I checked every corner of my apartment three times before sitting down and writing out a description of the events for my friends and reaching out to her friends. I don’t want to dwell on her friends because they didn’t make this post. While they certainly didn’t help the situation that night or do Roxanne and my relationship any favors I don’t hold any resentment towards them nor do I wish them any ill will. But I feel some details are necessary.
I mentioned earlier she had and presumably still has a very toxic friend group. They encouraged bad behavior, hard drug use, and enabled her. When I reached out to them to tell them she was intoxicated and yelling in my apartment lobby one friend responded that she would come get her while another said I was crazy and that Roxanne had been at home in their apartment all night. Later those same friends helped her make fake online dating profiles and provided her with alternate numbers to text me on. Thankfully they didn’t realize I had their numbers from previous group chats so I was able to avoid meeting up with any catfish profiles. After months of this I ended up having to block every single person from that friend group on every social media platform, block all their phone numbers, and avoid them as much as I have her.

The next few weeks were terrifying. I wasn’t able to walk into my lobby without thinking she would be there. I wasn’t able to walk down my hallway without seeing her standing outside my apartment stalking, waiting. Before I blocked her friends and found out about the collaborative efforts to mess with me I gave two of her roommates a futon I didn’t need anymore and gave them the earrings back. The earrings were a ruse and a poor excuse to show up in my lobby to ambush me when she knew there would be someone else there.

In Conclusion: Despite all that happened I wish her the best. I think she has some underlying mental health issues that she needs to seek treatment for that stem from past traumatic events in her life and are exacerbated by regular drug use. She wasn’t able to find another job during the time we were in a open relationship and I believe an abundance of free time and inability to find steady employment compounded the resentment she harbored towards me. It’s sad because I think underneath everything there is a very funny, caring, and interesting person who could thrive in a healthier working and social environment.

Ultimately many of these accusations are based in some way in truth but highly exaggerated. They are all things I talk about openly and with anyone I enter a romantic relationship with. I believe that Roxanne agreed to a open relationship that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with and when she realized that I would act on the openness of our relationship she got her feeling hurt and really needed it to be my fault so she could feel okay. I’m fine being a punching bag for her if it helps her find a path to recovery.

I don’t know if the posts she linked to are still accessible but I’ve seen a copy of them because she included them in the letter she sent to one theater company I’m a part of. It’s a collection of cherry picked tweet’s I made during the election that she rearranged so they will be taken out of context to make it look like I supported Trump and that Asian fetish quote from earlier. That’s it. I deleted both accounts per advice from several friends.

Oh. I do spend money on stupid stuff sometimes. I paid $600 for a standing mirror when Roxanne and I were dating. I’m working on making better financial decisions. I ended up returning that mirror and putting that money in my Roth IRA.

I’m happy to talk more about this with anyone who saw this and was upset. If you are personal connection or a business connection feel free to reach out to me at dorsetttaylor@gmail.com to ask about any of this. I wrote these 8,000 words not to clear my name but to be honest about my shortcoming and admit that I’ve got plenty to work on.